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Thank You, Axl Rotten (And R.I.P.)

Friday, August 10, 2007

Tonight's Edition Of 'WWE SmackDown' Is In The Books

The lowdown from Youngstown, Ohio's (sold-out, or close enough) Chevrolet Centre:

- Batista defeated Domino (accompanied by Deuce and Cherry). Powerbomb (although still referred to as a 'Batista Bomb'), pin. Lots of fustigation on both tag champs, including after the match, when Deuce actually did take Batista's finisher. Not sure how it happened, but Domino ended up with a bloody mouth. Best part was when The Great Khali (and his translator) appeared on the big screen to threaten Batista and remind him of what happened to Ric Flair.

- Chuck Palumbo revved up his motorcycle, and he even sucks at that.

- Tony Chimel introduced the returning Rey Mysterio, although it was actually Chavo Guerrero. This was funny for all of about five or ten seconds (as Chavo was actually pretty good with the gesturing, and the camera was kept far from his body, so the physical discrepancies weren't immediately apparent), so, of course, it dragged on forever. "Mysterio" rambled about being afraid of Chavo, but Eugene thankfully (never thought I'd say that) interrupted.

- Chavo (eventually losing Mysterio's garb and wrestling style) went on to defeat Eugene. During the bout, Eugene was supposed to be imitating Chavo ('Gori Bomb,' shimmying, 'Three Amigos,' 'Frogsplash'), but it sure seemed more like Eddie. Anyway, 'Frogsplash,' pin.

- As Jan worked on Victoria's hair, Kenny Dykstra and Victoria made out. Michelle McCool marched by, then she and Victoria traded "witty" barbs about their respective man situations.

- Mark Henry destroyed Sterling Keenan. Keenan sure has some shiny pants. Bearhug, ref stopped it. Henry cued up the same video we've been seeing for weeks, which focuses on Henry "injuring" The Undertaker. This time, there was some extra shit (added in post-production, since no one in the building was acknowledging it), which focused on how 'Taker can't be destroyed. When the footage finished playing (and it appeared the lights had also been out), a druid appeared from nowhere. Oooohhh, scary.

- Jesse & Festus (now in gear, so their in-ring debut must be getting closer) are learning how to deal with fame. Terry must be so proud.

- Victoria (accompanied by Dykstra) defeated Torrie Wilson (accompanied by Jimmy Wang Yang). True story: JBL once received the key to Youngstown. Sounds about right. Dykstra stalked Wilson, and Yang made the save, prompting the ref to eject the "men." Wilson, recently handling Victoria with ease, was quickly pinned (after taking a 'Widow's Peak'). Victoria then kept up the attack, but someone programmed McCool to make the save, then help Wilson from the ring.

- MVP (via the big screen) spoke about how he'd recently diagnosed with Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome (legit), and bragged about how, with it, he barely lost to Matt Hardy. MVP will be back to face Hardy on next week's show. Before the segment, Michael Cole and JBL explained the details of this story, which can also be read at wwe.com.

- We saw Hardy making his way to ring, where he'll soon face Finlay.

- Hardy defeated Finlay - count-out. Early on, Finlay actually had his share of fans, so he faked an ear injury (and he's so great, he probably thought of it on the spot) to sucker in Hardy and turn said portion of the crowd. Out of nowhere, Hornswoggle appeared, but before Finlay could utilize him, Jamie Noble made the save and began chasing after Horny. Finlay went after them, prompting the decision. They were given plenty of time, so, needless to say, this was the greatest thing on the show and probably the week (except for the finish, which was beyond dumb).

- Noble continued his chase, and asked Shannon Moore and Funaki if they'd seen Horny. Finlay caught up to and threatened Noble. Noble said Finlay was outnumbered, but that didn't matter to Finlay. Finlay knocked a cup of coffee out of Moore's hand, which ended up hitting Kane. Kane kicked Finlay's ass, then started toward the ring.

- Kane easily defeated Sylvan (looking like a jacked-up Jeff Jarrett, right down to the gear). Chokeslam, pin. After the bout, Finlay and his shillelagh evened the score.

- Theodore Long and Vickie Guerrero were talking about Long's impending wedding (since no one but Congress cares about wrestling). Vickie gave Long some Viagra, which wasn't even wrapped, let alone, in a bottle (art imitating life?), as a wedding gift.

- Chris Masters issued an open 'Masterlock Challenge.' . A(n obviously planted) female turned it down, but a(n obviously planted) male (who ran off a bunch of obviously planted athletic credentials and a manslaughter rap) accepted. Masters declined the request, because the guy had "just been released from prison." An even bigger (obviously planted) local loser ended up being the foil. If you care about any of the respective identities, that makes one of us.

- Batista checked in on Flair, just before Khali murdelized him. Flair put over the effectiveness of Khali's claw (saying it was better than a bunch of old guys'), but still vowed to beat Khali. Batista looked worried.

- Non-title: Khali (accompanied by interpreter guy) defeated Flair. This had it all: Bumping (that was Flair). Rest-holds (that was Khali) Stylin' and profilin,' and a low-blow (Flair again). Claw and pin (Khali again). After the fall, Khali wouldn't let go of the claw, so Batista made the save. Well, sort of. He actually tried giving Khali a 'Batista Bomb' (if it's even possible, I assume they're saving that for 'SummerSlam'), which didn't work, and Khali clawed Batista to sleep.

Sure, the show had its share of repetitive moments, but I probably enjoyed it more than any other of this week's WWE programming. Yeah, I know. That's not saying much.