Tonight's Edition Of 'WWE SmackDown' Is In The Books

The lowdown from Uncasville, Connecticut's (sold-out, or so it was claimed) Mohegan Sun Arena:

- If you care, Justin Roberts (returning Tony Chimel's recent favor) served as ring announcer.

- MVP hosted the first edition of his 'VIP Lounge.' Guest, if you can believe this, was Matt Hardy. MVP "officially" announced how, because of his "serious heart condition," Evander Holyfield will be taking his place (against Hardy) on 'Saturday Night's Main Event.' Hardy went on about how much better he is at everything than MVP. Hardy accepted MVP's dare to take the 'Masterlock Challenge,' which, of course, was nothing more than a chance for MVP and Masters to double-team Hardy.

- Jonathan Coachman seems to believe Big-Daddy-V could be Mr. McMahon's son, but the search continues.

- Jesse seems to believe Festus could be a McMahon. Well, the drooling does somewhat remind me of Shane.

- Non-title: Deuce & Domino defeated The Major Brothers. No one cared, including me. Well, the crowd tried to care. I didn't even do that. In fact, I didn't even care enough to take note of what happened. Big future for the Majors, I see. PS: Cherry was better looking before the surgery(s) and dye job.

- McMahon was meeting with Theodore Long, Vickie Guerrero and Kristal Marshall, when The Great Khali and translator entered the room to voice displeasure with Khali having to face Kane in tonight's main event. Coachman believed Khali could also be McMahon's son.

- Chuck Palumbo actually wrestles on next week's show. Michael Cole and JBL remember him from Japan. Oh, and they also think Rey Mysterio hasn't wrestled since last year, and Khali can use his bare hands to pop "inflated" basketballs.

- In the highlight of the night (although that isn't saying much), Finlay defeated Jamie Noble - DQ. Finlay was attacked by Kane, prompting the decision. Kane (sporting bandaged ribs, but not so much as a mark on his face, even though both were equally worked over by Finlay on last week's show) was about to chokeslam Finlay, but Hornswoggle pushed Noble into Kane, then disappeared, so Kane took out his frustration on Noble. Before Kane could get back to the task at hand, Finlay made his escape.

- Chavo defeated Shannon Moore. Moore put up a fight, but eventually fell victim to a brainbuster and was pinned. After the bout, Guerrero put a Mysterio mask on Moore, then gave him a 'Frogsplash.'

- Batista rambled, then Khali interrupted Batista and rambled. If you ask me, Khali's rambling was a lot cooler.

- According to Coachman, Batista could also be McMahon's son. So could "Big" Dick Johnson, who suddenly appeared (sporting a bonnet, bib, pacifier and diaper) to "dance" with Coach. Cole and JBL, continuing on their role, seemed to enjoy this.

- Mark Henry fustigated Greg Cardona. The usual, right down to the scary video and druids, which disappeared and turned to dust. Seen it.

- Michelle McCool and Torrie Wilson agreed to be Marshall's bridesmaids. Kenny Dykstra and Victoria entered the room, and to make a long story short, Dykstra was slapped by McCool (the best part), and McCool and Victoria went at it. Long ordered the latter two (already scheduled to wrestle) to the ring.

- McMahon and Coachman ran into more possible McMahon children, including Jimmy Wang Yang, Funaki and Kane. Something was clearly and hastily edited out of this segment. Too bad it wasn't the entire thing.

- McCool defeated Victoria (accompanied by Dykstra). McCool not only has the personality of driftwood, she moves about as well. Speaking of edited, parts of two matches were spliced together, making it appear as if Dykstra's interference (he passed Victoria's spit-bucket to her) failed, much like his career is. Anyway, after first losing by pinfall, McCool was then given a retake and somehow won.

- McMahon and Coachman are still hunting. Even Howard Finkel could be the one. That was enough to make McMahon leave. I didn't blame him.

- Non-title: Khali (accompanied by translator dude) defeated Kane. This was a rematch from something or other. Khali was making McCool look like Ric Flair in his prime. Flair, though, could never cut a promo like Khali. Claw, pin. After the bout, Finlay went back after Kane's ribs. Batista made the save, but eventually fell victim to Khali squeezing his head.

For the second time in as many episodes, Finlay was involved in the only thing I gave a fuck about. Right now, he's the real MVP of this brand, as far as I'm concerned.