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Thank You, Axl Rotten (And R.I.P.)

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Showtime Allstar Wrestling – Episode 51

Courtesy of Larry Goodman:

Airing June 28, 2008 on ION Network affiliate WNPX 28 in Nashville

For entertaining audio reviews of SAW and Nashville’s other wrestling TV show, NWA Main Event, check out Jerkin’ the Curtain radio with Trent Van Drisse and Tommy Stewart.

Reno Riggins (in extreme close up) thanked everyone for their support of SAW as the show closes in on its one year anniversary. Reno gave special props to Big Timmy (the technical guru responsible for putting the TV show together every week), Bob and Lisa at ION, and promoter T.J. Weatherby. Riggins said this would be SAW’s last episode on ION, as the show was temporarily moving back to Comcast 74 (Saturdays at midnight). Riggins announced that in a couple of months, SAW would debut on a major network affiliate in Nashville, and fans would be watching the show “from the lap of luxury.”

Cut to ringside for the opening with Michael St. John and Reno. MSJ said Damian Adams and Kid Kash had unfinished business. They cut to shot from last week of a bloodied up Damian. MSJ said the SAW BOD (enough acronyms for ya?) had major international news concerning the SAW Title later in the show. They talked about the $10,000 bounty on the head of T. J. Harley. They showed footage from last week’s attack on Damian by Jay Phoenix. Reno said somebody slashed Damian’s tires and sugar put in his gas tank.


Riggins said there were a lot of little Indians in the house. “Leprechaun” Cane tried a high crossbody. Not a chance, as Outlaw dropped him with a shoulder breaker. A more refined looking Miss Boogie came out on the ramp to scout Tribal Nation. Lightfoot used a rolling short arm scissors on Cane and smeared him with a basement dropkick, but Cooter cut off the Four Winds Tomahawk Chop with a forearm shot to the face. Cooter hit a fallaway slam for a two count. Reno said Cane and Cooter were in the gym together, but they weren’t quite there yet. Tribal Nation immediately proved his point. Outlaw cleaned house and they hit the Totem Pole (blockbuster Doomsday Device) on Cane.

WINNERS: Tribal Nation in 2:03. Fine for what is was. It made perfect sense for Ms. Boogie to be scouting the Indians. They’ve got an impressive finisher when they hit it solidly, and they did so here. Cane is always entertaining, and even Cooter didn’t look half bad.

(Commercial break)

A video package on “Best of the Best” Chrisjen Hayme aired. He’s arrogant and he’s got game. Hooking up with SAW has been a good move for Hayme.

(Commercial break)

MSJ and Reno were in the ring with Commissioner Mike Sircy, who was sweating like a pig for some reason. On the table in front of them, was a shiny, new championship belt. Sircy talked about how SAW had grown and branched out internationally. Riggins said they were retiring the SAW Television Champioinship and replacing it with the SAW International Championship. Out came Damian in street clothes to receive the new title belt from Sircy. With that, Kash, also in street clothes, entered the ring. “There’s a ceremony going on here, sir,” said St. John. You’ve got to love St. John when he comes out with stuff like that. Kash called Damian unimpressive and undeserving, and said he had beaten him to a pulp.

I’ve got some news for you. You better shine it up. You better take it to bed with you. Hell, you better even shower with it and (bleep) with it. Cuz when you come back to this building. I’m taking it. It’s mine.

Kash threw his towel at Damian and grabbed the belt. They got into a shoving match, which quickly disintegrated into a fight. Damian took Kash down. Kash pulled Damian into a closed guard, then rolled to a mount, but was unable to do any damage. The SAW officials were able to pull them apart. Sircy said enough of this crap. It would be Kash vs. Damian for the new International Title next week.

(Commercial break)

Looking a little worse for wear, Damian was still in the ring with the suits. MSJ told Damian to show his belt to the world. Damian put the belt down and proceeded to cut the most passionate promo of his natural born life. Damian said he had a little “suh-in” to say, and you knew right then, this was a different Damian. Damian said he had been criticized for not expressing himself and he was going to express himself now. Damian said he had taken on “all oncomers” since arriving from Puerto Rico, and worked his way to the top. The female fans chanted “We love Damian.” Damian admitted he had taken Kash too lightly. Damian said Kash had beaten the crap out him and left him laying in his own blood. Damian promised to beat Kash and hurt him real bad before it was over. Kash said he would remain the champion and then finished in Spanish.

Rob Roy McCoy (in his ring gear) attacked Damian and locked him in the crossface chickenwing. MSJ pointed out that McCoy had just gotten off suspension (a slow learner if I ever saw one). Damian passed out as Sircy, Riggins and ref Jess Fields unsuccessfully tried to pry McCoy off.

(30 second commercial break)

We’re back, and there’s five guys trying to get McCoy off of Damian and still having no luck. Sircy signaled for more help. MSJ said Damian had been in the hold for almost 5 minutes. It ended up with seven guys working on McCoy before he would relinquish the hold. They cut to a close up of the expression of agony on Damian’s face, as the fans chanted “USA” at McCoy. The Showtime Rewind replayed McCoy’s heinous attack.

In the interview area, MSJ wanted to know what McCoy was thinking.

Hey, hey the gang’s all here. Michael St. John, admit it. You and all these cretinous halfwits, you missed me….You knew it had to happen. You all knew it had to happen, Reno Riggins, the Board of Directors, Damian Adams. You didn’t think I was going to go away did you? Uh-uh. Even with all your shenanigans. You see, I’m ready here. I’m in my work clothes. I don’t come out here in my street clothes because I take care of business.

A snarling McCoy said all the insufferable morons at SAW liked to play games until somebody got hurt. The fans got McCoy’s attention by chanting “USA” at him. “I’ll show you USA. Rob Roy McCoy is back, and the fun and the pain starts now.”

(Commercial break)

MSJ welcomed Sean Casey and his freaks to the interview area. Casey did his rap, but my attention was draw to the extremely low cut shorts on Tiana and Fallon. MSJ wanted to know what was up with Fallon’s shades. They cut to footage from last week where Fallon distracted Casey by getting too close to Chase Stevens and Casey lost the match. Casey claimed everything was peachy keen in his camp. “Aint’ that right, Fallon? We’re on the same page now, huh?”

2 – SEAN CASEY (with the Freak Squad) vs. CHASE STEVENS

Casey attacked Stevens as he got into the ring. Stevens roared back and Casey took a time out for some TLC from Tiana. Stevens came out after him, so Casey used Fallon as a shield. Casey shoved Fallon towards Stevens. As they started to trade punches, Stevens caught Fallon with an elbow. Stevens went to check on Fallon. Riggins said her eye was black, blue and purple. Well, mostly purple from all the make up that was used for the fake shiner. A blonde guy with a crew cut and sunglasses clobbered Stevens with a steel chair. It was Chris Michaels, the first ever SAW Champion. Cool. Michaels tossed Stevens back in and Casey covered him.

WINNER: Casey at 1:18. Nothing match but a great surprise return.

Michaels raised Casey’s hand. Riggins said Michaels wasn’t under contract, but it looked like he was back in SAW to help Casey get his house in order.

(Commercial break)

With Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit” in the background, the camera panned across a brigade of toy soldiers and zoomed on in a loaf of bread with “Millersville Bakery” scrawled on it. “One battle ends. One war’s finished and another begins. We’re going north. We’re marching on. It’s time to hit The Bakery,” said a voice all too familiar to Mike Porter and viewers of NWA Main Event. A huge cowboy boot stomped the bread. The camera panned upward to show a huge man wearing a camouflage t-shirt and holding a plunger in his hand. His face was not visible. The voice began to bark like a dog.

The A-Team graced MSJ with their presence. No Matt Dillinger. Hammerjack was showing off another obscene photo on his cell phone. Some priceless facial expressions here.

Michael, I’m a bit revolted but I can’t look away. I know it’s racing season and everything, but she shouldn’t be doing that with that equine.

Paul said A-Team had been trying to learn how the other half lives, so they went to an establishment to find out what future holds for Boogie Woogie Boy and Arrick Andrews.

An A-Team Film. There was this cheesy lounge music playing as the credits rolled. A-Team was listed as producers, directors, writers and stars. Scene one: A-Team is in the parking lot outside a greasy spoon called Slick Willy’s. Santel wanted to get some sushi. “Around here they call that bait,” said Paul. Scene two: Inside the restaurant, they’re greeted by Miss Boogie. It was Dillinger in drag. Words cannot describe the horror. I wondered if somebody dropped acid in my beer. “This chick’s got an Adam’s apple,” said Paul. Scene Three: Miss Boogie takes their order, swishy as all get out, and makes it clear she’s got a thing for “Wild Man” Dillinger. In the process, they make a joke about the size of fake Miss Boogie’s butt. TVA asks about competition. Paul says Tribal Nation is back and he will make the match. Santel says “nature’s greatest miracle” is a perfect fit for the new International Title. Paul says he’s working on it. Fake Miss Boogie comes back and breaks into song while shaking his/her ass and using a pool cue as an air guitar. Now, I’m sure somebody has dropped acid in my beer. Dillinger is wolfing down the food, and asks fake Miss Boogie if they can meet the chef. Scene Four: Back in the kitchen, the chef is some little guy in a do rag with an XXL fake moustache as Boogie Woogie Boy. They made fun of all the times Boogie had been carried out and all the beating he had taken - “Shaska Whatley and Paul Jones put a knot like this on my daddy’s head back in 1986.” Fake Miss Boogie told fake Boogie he needed to take care and grow some hair. Dillinger looked at the baldness under the dorag. Paul said Boogie could always get plugs. Scene Seven: Back at the table, the busboy was fake Arrick Andrews. Same little guy I think. This was beyond humiliation. Dillinger ended up giving the guy a forearm shot and stomping his ass. Paul gave Dillinger a stern warning about indigestion.

There’s only so many times that Double A and Boogie Woogie Boy can get up. But the last one, was the last one.

Adams said he given Dream Team a glimpse of their future, but there was nothing wrong with manual labor. “At least Arrick Andrews doesn’t have to go back to his job as mop boy at the peep show. Don’t you act so revolted Michael St. John, you’re the reason they need a mop boy.” Paul asked where Dillinger was at. Santel said he hooked up with the waitress.

(Commercial break)


Phoenix dropkicked Harley’s knee before the opening bell. Harley kept kicking him off, but Phoenix was all over the knee. Harley’s knee went out on a leapfrog attempt. Phoenix applied a variation of the Indian deathlock. MSJ compared the flamboyant appearance of Phoenix to “Exotic” Adrian Street. Harley came with that flying forearm out of left field for a near fall. Phoenix blocked a rolling prawn and got back on the knee. MSJ and Reno talked about Harley being a marked man. Harley hit the fisherman shoulderbreaker from nowhere.

WINNER: T.J. Harley in 2:36. Phoenix looked more formidable in street clothes, but he moved well enough despite the excess girth. Harley’s selling continues to be his strong suit.

A swole, blonde dude with a ponytail snuck up behind Harley, gave him a low blow, and then a DDT. The announce team identified him as Shawn Shultz, “the man that left SAW high and dry when he was the champion.” Shultz knocked Harley unconscious with a DDT onto MSJ’s chair. Shultz flashed one of the posters offering a $10K reward for Harley’s head at the camera and kissed it.

BOTTOM LINE: The best hour of SAW ever. This was what Memphis wrestling was like in its heyday - wild, raw, surprising, funny, dramatic, violent – and they did it with 6 minutes of bell-to-bell action. And it was all in the name of furthering good stories. They’re doing things in a way that make them stick. The payoffs are in the future. They’re in no hurry to get to them, and when they do, you can trust it will be satisfying. I only wish the heat was better. It lags behind the quality of the show. The A-Team Film was an incredible piece of work. You just don’t see vignettes with that kind of complexity on indie pro wrestling shows. They gave viewers no less than six potentially compelling reasons to watch next week’s – 1) Adams/Kash. That should count for two. Damian brought something out that I didn’t know he had in him. Kash is forcing him to raise his game. 2) What will McCoy do next? 3) What’s up with Casey and Michaels and those freaks? 4) How will Miss Boogie strike back at A-Team? 5) Who is behind the bounty on Harley’s head and why? 6) Is Marc Anthony really coming to SAW? You could say three run-ins is too many. And if they do it all the time, it will be. They can’t be like this, or a numbing effect sets in. This was a huge show. Two former champions made surprise returns along with McCoy, a man destined to become the champion if one of the major companies doesn’t sign him first. It was the kind of show that gets viewers into a mindset where they can’t miss an episode because of what might happen.