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Thank You, Axl Rotten (And R.I.P.)

Friday, September 26, 2008

Showtime Allstar Wrestling - Episode 61

Courtesy of Larry Goodman:

An unidentified interviewer (“Kodiak” Steve Hall) approached Jerry Lynn in the parking lot of the SAW Mill. Lynn admitted his disappointment about last week’s match against Kid Kash. Lynn said he had Kash beat in their first match and it was the clock that beat him, not Kash. Lynn said he instinctively went for the piledriver in that match, but obeyed the ref’s warning to stop.

What did you do in the second match? You saved your ass. You went ahead anyway. Looked dead in the referees eyes when he was giving you the warning and piledrove me anyway. Why? Because that’s the desperate act of a desperate man.

They showed clips of both incidents and cut back to woefully out of focus shot of Lynn. He said Kash was worried, because deep down, he knew Lynn could beat him. Kash said he was going to petition Commissioner Freddie Morton for a no disqualification match.

Your bark is worse than your bite. If you’ve got the balls like you always say you do, you’ll show up, and you’ll do it. And I don’t care what it take cuz I will TEAR THE HOUSE DOWN.

The opening montage rolled…

Michael St. John and Reno Riggins opened the show from ringside with highlight clips from last week. They key point was that A-Team had so far failed to answer the challenge Arrick Andrews issued at the close of last week’s episode. They hyped the inring debut of Marc Anthony and showed footage of his assault on the SAW Mill.


Joined with the devastation already underway. The announce team compared Anthony to Abdullah the Butcher and Bruiser Brody. Anthony drilled his scrawny, masked opponent with a top rope elbow for the pin. Reno said it hit like an atomic bomb.

WINNER: Anthony with the top rope elbow. Just what it needed to be - a massacre topped with a devastating finisher.

Hot Rod Biggs attempted to interview Anthony, who was in a world of his own. Anthony yelled at Biggs for interrupting his conversation with Uncle Ronnie P. “They said it would be a man with no face. They said it would be an unnamed soldier. What were they thinking, Uncle Ronnie? We can’t be stopped. We won’t be stopped. SAW is doomed.”

A gangsterish looking Reno was about to throw it to Hot Rod Biggs when he was approached by Drew Haskins, also wearing a spiffy looking suit. Haskins challenged Anthony to a match. Riggins said Drew’s guts weren’t in question, but his judgment was another story. Riggins said Haskins request would be forwarded to Commissioner Freddie Morton.

At ringside, Biggs addressed the A-Team (minus Matt Dillinger) concerning Andrews’ open challenge. Paul Adams said he had three guys that wanted a piece of him. The crowd actually got excited as Andrews joined MSJ in the interview area. Adams challenged Andrews to find a couple of partners for a 6 man. Andrews said he didn’t know if he could on such short notice, but he would take on the entire A-Team by himself if necessary. A-Team tried to sneak up on Andrews, but Tribal Nation had Andrews’ back. That also got a pop. Morton and Riggins got in the middle of it. Trash talking ensued.


Reno noted that Fallon’s arm was in a sling. Michaels went down on a shoulder tackle and backed off for a TO. Michaels took command with pure brawling. Reno said Sean Casey and the rest of the Freak Squad were vacationing in the Caribbean. Emerson reversed a whip and Michaels took a backdrop like he was channeling Harley Race. Dropkick and a bigtime lariat over the top by Emerson. Back inside, Emerson made Michaels miss with a flying elbow drop. Riggins said it was funny how Fallon injuries started when Michaels arrived on the scene. Michaels hit a powerdrive back suplex and went back to brawling. Detective St. John found it very disturbing that Michaels was left-handed and Fallon’s injuries were on her right side. Emerson reversed a headshot in the buckles and laced Michaels with a chop, but Michaels poked him the eye. Michaels hit a short arm clothesline. Michaels and Fallon threw it up and threw it down. Michaels got two with a knee drop. As the beating continued, Riggins talked about High Society taking credit for getting rid of Chase Stevens and Adam Armor. Michaels took a flying crotch bump onto the middle turnbuckle. Emerson added insult to injury with an inverted atomic drop, and here came Jesse on the comeback. Emerson with a powerslam and a snug cradle for a near fall. Emerson with a Russian legsweep, and Michaels rolled a shoulder at two and ½. Back and forth counters and a Michaels superkick to the chops for the three count.

WINNER: Michaels in 7:15. This was another match hurt by lack of crowd heat, but I’ve already beat that horse to death. Nothing wrong with the work, but I didn’t get the point of giving it so much time. The commentary was rehash, there was no interplay between Michaels and Fallon and you never got the sense that Michaels was in danger of losing.

MSJ interviewed Michaels at ringside. MSJ asked Michaels about Fallon’s injury. Michaels said she was just clumsy and had walked into a door. He said the accusations of foul play were off base. “She just might need a break too.” Michaels laughed at his own joke.

Biggs said he was going to get to the bottom of what was going with Michaels and Fallon. He barged into their dressing room. Michaels called Fallon a crybaby and a drama queen. Michaels was great here. “These boots aren’t going to takes themselves off.” Fallon told him she couldn’t move her arm. Biggs said he wasn’t one to stick his nose in, but he was concerned about Fallon’s injuries. Michaels was sticking to his story. Chase Stevens appeared out of nowhere. Michaels called for security. Stevens told Fallon if Michaels was doing anything to her, she needed to tell somebody. Michaels tried to interrupt. Stevens told him to shut up. Michaels shrunk back. “Next week, it’s going to be me and you, and you’re going to look like you walked into a damn door,” said Stevens. Michaels said Stevens would pay for busting into his dressing room. "Security stinks."

Cut to MSJ at ringside with “budding superstar” TJ Harley. Harley knew exactly how those guys in the back felt and it sucked. Harley said Rachel Worthington was all up in his business such that it was worse than when they were together. Ms. Worthington led Shawn Shultz to ringside with Chrisjen Hayme bringing up the rear. Shultz was wearing a bathrobe and slippers and carrying a cup of warm milk. Worthington said she had heard Harley babbling about his woman problems. “You’ve got a woman problem for the rest of your life right here.” Harley said he been waiting to kick Shultz’s ass and wanted to fight until one of them bled. Shultz said he would love to tear Harley up, but he didn’t feel very well. Shultz claimed he had been having panic attacks that made his immune system go down, and now, he had a cold. Shultz said “Carl Hanks” would wrestle Harley. Worthington sweet-talked Hayme. Hayme said anything for you.

3 – TJ HARLEY vs. CHRISJEN HAYME (with Rachel Worthington & Shawn Shultz)

Harley with fists of fire. Hayme covered up, so Harley gave him a swinging neckbreaker and clotheslined him over the top. “C’mon Carl. Get up!” said Shultz, who had joined St. John on commentary. As Harley continued to pound away on Hayme, MSJ told Shultz to stay away from him if he had a cold. Shultz faked a sneeze. MSJ said he had never seen Shultz drink anything but sports drinks. “Warm milk comforts me,” Shultz explained. With Harley on the apron, Hayme hit a running lariat to take over. MSJ said Shultz didn’t look to be his old self and asked if he was on medication - “No. I wish.” Harley went down in a heap from a corner lariat. Hayme dragged him to the center and covered, but Harley kicked out. Hayme then had Harley pinned with a one foot dropkick, but Miss Worthington was randomly up on the apron distracting the ref. St. John was perplexed by Worthington’s obsession with getting rid of Harley. Shultz told MSJ he didn’t know what kind of guy Harley really was. Moments later, Harley had Hayme pinned with a reverse roll up. But there was Worthington on the apron again for a chat with ref Jess Fields. Shultz jumped into the ring, bathrobe and all, to DDT Harley. Hayme covered for the three count.

WINNER: Hayme in 5:33 after Shultz DDTed Harley. The match was OK enough. It was secondary to the awesomeness of the interplay between Shultz and St. John on commentary.

Biggs was at ringside with Kid Kash. Biggs said Commissioner Morton had just OKed the no DQ rematch. Kash said only a man with fear in his heart would ask for such a match. He said told Lynn to bring his ass down and they would have the match. “You just messed up.” He said knew Kash from around the world and from ECW –“the original ECW.” “Jerry’s been around, and I respect Jerry’s ability, but I don’t like Jerry. AT ALL.” Biggs brought up Lynn’s earlier statement that Kash used the piledriver because he was afraid of losing his title. Kash said no way. He made the SAW title famous defending it in Europe and Japan. Now, Lynn wanted to waltz in and become the champ, and it didn’t work like that. Kash said the truth was he used the piledriver because he wanted to hurt Lynn, and if Lynn wasn’t careful he would get dropped on his head again next week.

4 – THE A-TEAM (Hammerjack & Ric Santel & David Young with Paul Adams) vs. ARRICK ANDREWS & TRIBAL NATION (Lennox Lightfoot & Indian Outlaw)

Joined in progress with Outlaw delivering some stiff chops to Young. MSJ said Outlaw had a “Shaquille O’Neal style of bodybuilding.” Some compliment that was. Lightfoot gave Hammerjack a backdrop over the top rope. Andrews entered wearing war paint for the occasion. He beat on Hammerjack’s shoulder like a man possessed. Tribal Nation gave Santel a double chop for a two count. Hammerjack poked Lightfoot in the back with his sledge to start the heat. Returning from commercial break, A-Team was taking turning working over Lightfoot’s low back. They cut to action that occurred during the break showing Young kicking Lightfoot in the spine. While the ref was admonishing Lightfoot’s partners, A-Team beat the hell out of Lightfoot in their corner. HUGE lariat cut off by Young for a near fall. Hammerjack covered after a double backdrop but Outlaw was in for the save. Lightfoot ran the ropes to set a high crossbody hope spot. Why not just detour for the tag? Hammerjack used some lame stomps to the back to set up a camel clutch. Lightfoot flipped onto his back and caught Hammerjack with a double knee to the groin. Andrews ran wild with the tag. Six way action ensued. No sooner had MSJ mentioned that Lightfoot was in no condition to be in the ring, he hit a flip dive onto Hammerjack. Santel followed with a slingshot dive. Outlaw did a wild slingshot crossbody. Riggins said he looked like a flying ostrich. Young was itching to do a dive of his own, when Andrews surprised him with an O’Connor Roll for a lightning fast three count by Kurt Herron.

WINNERS: Andrews & Tribal Nation in 14:15. Not main event caliber. Some comically bad spots. The dive sequence at the end was so slow in developing that it looked really fake.

A-Team gave the babyface trio a beatdown. Adams threw powder into the faces of Tribal Nation. MSJ coughed on the powder. Young used the sledgehammer on Andrews and Outlaw. St. John mistakenly called him Eric Young, and said he called him the name of baseball player. I guess MSJ doesn’t watch TNA. Nikki Vaughn hit the ring in street clothes and got a great pop. A-Team powdered out in a panic. Riggins said Vaughn was Andrews’ former partner.

The Good: Shultz first and foremost. That was a classic segment and a hilarious performance by Shultz. The best segments on this show all occurred outside of the bell-to-bell action. The postmatch stuff with Anthony worked really well. I really liked the interviews with both Lynn and Kash. What a great story they’re telling. That was some nice attention to detail with the piledriver clips. I’m not a big fan of the domestic abuse angle with High Society, but Michaels was terrific in the dressing room sequence. There’s a fair amount of subtle subtext to the stories in SAW, and they take their time telling them. They did some interesting things with the flow and staging of several segments in this episode.

The Bad: The main event left me feeling like I spoke too soon when I said last week’s show raised the bar on the wrestling in SAW. They spent a lot of time on the Michaels match without developing anything significant with Fallon. As much Vaughn’s run in got over, it was kind of silly for three heels with a sledgehammer in their corner to run away from a guy with no weapon.