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Monday, January 5, 2009

The Gist Of It - Tonight's Episode Of 'WWE Monday Night Raw'

From Louisiana's New Orleans Arena:

- Chris Jericho and Randy Orton voiced their displeasure, because JBL and Shawn Michaels cooperated in last week's 'Fatal Fourway' (which is completely the opposite of what's supposed to happen in one of those). JBL (accompanied by a stoic Michaels) offered no apologies. Michaels broke his silence, only to say how proud he was to have kept Jericho and Orton from competing for the World title. Stephanie McMahon, obviously wanting me, only agreed to offer Jericho and Orton spots in the 'Royal Rumble' match. She also told Michaels that, in tonight's main event, he'd be teaming with Cena, and they'd be facing Jericho and Orton. Speaking of bosses, JBL will not allow Michaels to compete in said Rumble match, because his only purpose is to support his employer. Michaels, bless him, is trying so hard to get people to buy into his "pathetic and broken down" act, but he's fighting a losing battle.

- Goldust & Melina defeated Glamarella. Mostly comedy (big shock), ending with Melina using a roll-up to pin Beth Phoenix. Afterwards, Melina got into it with Rosa Parks (or whatever her name is). More great writing. Hopefully, this means Beth will retain her title at the Rumble.

- Todd Grisham interviewed CM Punk, who wants to win the Intercontinental title.

- I-C title: Punk defeated William Regal - DQ. Short match, and not one of Regal's better performances, but in his current condition, that's understandable. Punk quickly went for the 'GTS,' causing Regal to grab onto the ref and not let go, prompting the decision. McMahon, still wanting me, signed a rematch (for next week), and if Regal's disqualified, he loses his belt. Hi, Layla!

- JBL was excited about Michaels being able to help weaken Cena, which will allow Cena to return to Texas (for 'WrestleMania 25'), as World champ.

- Manu was officially ousted from 'Legacy.' Let's hope that Sim Snuka's next.

- As a backdrop to show Kofi Kingston and Rey Mysterio heading to the ring, Dolph Ziggler introduced himself to Mickie James. I'd complain about the wasting of young talent, but talent and Ziggler seem to have little in common.

- The Miz & John Morrison defeated Kingston & Mysterio. This was not, as I mistakenly believed, for the World Tag Team titles. A flying Mysterio was caught with one of Morrison's spin-kicks and pinned. Mysterio was also the victim of a post-match beating, courtesy of Mike Knox. Mysterio and Kingston, by the way, have been officially entered into the Rumble match.

- Cena confronted Michaels, who replied with a vague and mysterious answer.

- Kelly Kelly defeated Jillian (Hall). Kelly stood on Jillian's back, delivered a legdrop to the back of her head, and scored the pin. After the bout, Jillian attacked Kelly, but Kane's arrival caused Jillian to flee. Next week, Kane faces Orton, and wants Kelly to watch. I could be wrong, and I don't care enough to check, but I think Jillian (accidentally) messed up some of the lyrics to 'When The Saints Go Marching In.'

- Cody Rhodes & Snuka defeated Cryme Tyme. Rhodes hit a reverse rolling-neckbreaker on JTG, then pinned him.

- Orton also ousted Snuka from 'Legacy,' saying he was the weak link. YESSSSSSS!

- McMahon has now banned Rosa Mendes from attending WWE shows. For some reason, she felt the need to personally meet with Glamarella and inform them of her decision. Speaking of for some reason, Jericho had to let McMahon know that her father was returning in two-weeks. Weird logic.

- Cena & Michaels defeated Jericho & Orton. Cena spent the majority of his team's time in the ring (so as to help build the usual, unoriginal, done-to-death dissension between not-quite-feuding partners). JBL made a brief appearance, I guess, to remind Michaels of his presence. I liked Cena's boxers. Shortly after Michaels tagged in, he hit 'Sweet Chin Music' on both of his opponents, then pinned Jericho and did not touch his partner. Grisham interviewed JBL (watching on a monitor), who, next week, will be in Michaels' corner. Michaels' opponent? Cena.

PS: Despite the hard-sell for Ken Kennedy's new DVD, I remain absolutely, positively unimpressed (much as I do with Kennedy himself).